I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just had sex on a roof
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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