Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
