I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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