is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
