I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
