I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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