dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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