i'm signing you up for texting rehab
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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