Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
