Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
