Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
