I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
