The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
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We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
True college students do jello shots in the library
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