I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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