when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
only you would photoshop your dick
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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