We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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