Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
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we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
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I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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