omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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