She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
