shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
