I am in a vortex of obligation.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
