It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
