He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
