We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
