ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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