i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
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The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
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I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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