i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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