sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
