when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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