Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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