You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
