That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
