I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
