all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
