We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
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no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
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After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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