he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
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She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
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Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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