i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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