He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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