he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
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plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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