I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
