Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
