i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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