She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
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his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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