My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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