If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
