I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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