Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
