I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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