i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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