My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
