I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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