I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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