Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
