Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
don't judge my taste in strippers
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize