he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
