is your mom at the bar?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
