Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
