I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
