worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
