so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
